One month to return home

Sup? I hope, at least. At the time of writing this publication, TAP has canceled my flight and now I have no other yet. My mother is now trying to call them to reschedule for the same day with a layover, let's see if it's possible.

So, the College of Europe. We are already in the second half of November, and I still sit in the Copernicus Auditorium, looking at the flags standing in the back of the room (EU, College's and Poland, in this word) and find it hard to believe that I am really here. I really am just a few more than seven months away from adding a Master of Arts to my Master of Science.

This is definitely being a great experience. Besides the courses and workshops (that I did not enroll in this semester, however, I am sneaking into one on Policy Analysis because it is super interesting and Pedro from the past really failed in this regard), I'm learning Polish and, this semester only, Arabic, teaching Portuguese sometimes, helping people with Economics and other courses and, unfortunately not for a while now, doing sports. And if there was no lockdown, I'd be going downtown at least once per week to concerts and restaurants.

I know this really is my thing because time passes so faster in these classes than it did back in Physics. This week we had three sessions of +2h of Economics, and it really passed super fast. Of course, this doesn't mean everything is a "sea of roses", as we say in Portuguese. The social part of this campus is, overall, awesome, because you meet a lot of different people, interested in a lot of different things, and in a very non-judgemental (usually) place. I feel like I finally met other men that can admit their fragilities, talk about their problems, not pretending we are always fine and that we don't feel anything. Because we do feel a lot of things.

The other side of this is that, on the other hand, and this is naturally not a surprise for me, it's quite solitary to think outside the box. I don't mean to say it's about knowing more or less, that's not what this is about. And I also knew that coming to the College would be seeing a normalized way of thinking, more present in central-northern Europe, about several political and economic issues. And sure, I know I am quite intense when arguing, but it's still not cool being at a dinner table and, for example, every time I am talking with someone people around are seeing and commenting that "Pedro, always discussing capitalism". Or in class, I take the microphone to ask a question, again the same. Because I know there are more like me. I just wish more would also speak and show me I'm not alone. Maybe it's asking too much and it's unfair because most people just don't want to put themselves out there. But I think I'm in my right to have doubts sometimes, I'm (also) not made of iron.

In the meantime, I wonder whether this kind of prevents me from finding a girl in the College. Being all over the place, in a place where the "dating dynamics" seem to be not to kiss and tell and hide your game, is hardly set to work out the way I want it to. In any case, it's impossible to be with someone if you are not who you are with your own self in the first place. And I know it, just have to keep reminding myself of it.